August 19, 2021, 10:39 am | Read time: 3 minutes
Family gatherings, birthdays, or relaxed barbecue evenings in the garden–most people enjoy socializing. But what happens when you’re the host and the guests don’t want to leave as the night wears on?
“You should quit while you’re ahead,” goes a well-known saying. But some guests would prefer to stay until the early hours. The problem is familiar: One bottle of wine follows another, the mood is great–but at some point, as a host, you want to have your home to yourself again. How do you communicate that the party is over when the guests just won’t leave? Can you prevent such situations? myHOMEBOOK asked communication expert Moritz Freiherr Knigge how to handle such situations gracefully.
myHOMEBOOK: At what point in the evening can you expect guests to say goodbye, for example, at a dinner party?
Moritz Freiherr Knigge: It depends on the mood. I’ve enjoyed lively dinner parties with my guests until the early morning hours. But at the latest, if you’re the last guest and the hosts are yawning, I wouldn’t wait for a hint.
Is there a specific time you can use as a guideline?
Knigge: 1 a.m. seems like a good time to call it a night, whether or not everyone is dancing on the tables.
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How do I communicate this elegantly without hurting my guests’ feelings?
Knigge: A friend of mine always plays “Time to Say Goodbye.” Then everyone can give it their all one last time, and then it’s: Sleep well!
Are there differences with invited friends, family, or business contacts?
Knigge: Oh yes, there are. Among friends, there are always different rules. You can speak openly or just lie down while the guests continue to party. Family operates under different rules. People might not speak for a year because they felt they were shown the door. Family is often tricky. Business also requires a lot of attention: If the boss wants to hear the birds chirping, then so be it. If the best client entertains us with his monologues late into the night, then it’s: I can sleep tomorrow.
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How do you handle unannounced visits? Like when a neighbor drops by and wants to sit for just a moment.
Knigge: When short moments turn into what feels like an eternity, I recommend friendly hints that the surprise visit is unfortunately over: because you really need to go shopping, finally want to start cleaning, or whatever else can’t be postponed.
How do I ensure guests don’t come back, even though I have to invite them, like the mother-in-law?
Knigge: A good host doesn’t ask this question. Guests are always welcome. Mothers-in-law especially.
Have you ever been in a situation where you couldn’t get rid of someone?
Knigge: Sure. But I’ve also been in situations where someone couldn’t get rid of me. Both were great evenings!