May 6, 2026, 3:58 am | Read time: 5 minutes
At least in movies, shared apartments always seem like places of perfect harmony, where all roommates are constantly having fun and in a good mood. Anyone who has ever lived in a shared apartment knows that’s not quite true. When people live closely together, conflicts are inevitable. How to prevent major arguments early on and how to deal with annoying roommates is explained by myHOMEBOOK in this article.
What applies to any form of community: A single person is enough to ruin the mood for everyone else. If this person is also a roommate in your own shared apartment, everyday life can become hell. Disputes and conflicts within the shared apartment are not necessarily the problem. It becomes difficult when a person, due to their character, repeatedly provides reasons for lengthy discussions, when basic rules are constantly being violated.
Harmonizing Expectations of Shared Apartment Life
A lot of trouble can be avoided through healthy planning in advance. This starts with the reasons why people move into a shared apartment. The reasons can be very different.
Many residents use the shared apartment as a mere convenience. Others, however, expect something more, seeing the shared apartment as a kind of close-knit community or even a family substitute. When such different expectations collide, at least life in the apartment is guaranteed. If that’s what you want, great. If not, you’ve brought a bigger problem into your shared apartment.
Therefore, people who want to start a shared apartment should think intensively about the way of communal living. Additional roommates should only be accepted into the shared apartment if they share the expectations of those already living there.
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Pay Attention to the Contract Model
The chosen contract model plays a significant role in the formation of a shared apartment. “If all roommates are main tenants, they are legally equal, which can make measures against individual troublemakers more difficult. The landlord is then responsible,” explains Jutta Hartmann, spokesperson for the German Tenants’ Association, when asked by myHOMEBOOK.
Therefore, she recommends future shared apartments select one person to be listed as the main tenant in the contract. All other roommates are then considered subtenants according to the contract. “In this case, the main tenant has a stronger legal position compared to the subtenants. This facilitates internal handling of disputes within the shared apartment.”
However, this also means “an increased responsibility for the main tenant, as they are then authorized to organize but also obligated.” It should be someone who is stress-resistant and can resolve conflicts. Because when conflict arises, these talents are exactly what’s needed.
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Define Additional Shared Apartment Rules in Writing
Besides the rental agreement, unwritten rules and their written definition in advance play a major role within a shared apartment. Therefore, Hartmann advises: “Binding agreements should be made regarding behavior, the use of common areas, quiet times, or even the handling of visitors and overnight guests.”
Every rule needs a consequence, namely when a roommate does not adhere to it. “A graduated catalog of measures can be considered here, starting with a warning, through reprimands, up to termination in particularly severe or repeated cases,” the spokesperson considers advisable and adds: “The more transparent the regulations, the more effective the conflict management.”
But if a shared apartment has thought of all these things and a roommate is still annoying, what helps then? Talk, and do it promptly. Because the longer a problem is postponed, the more difficult it becomes to appeal to a person’s insight. They may even feel justified because no one has said anything so far.
If the situation reaches a dead end, many universities offer a form of mediation, at least for student shared apartments. Often, an outside perspective helps bring the quarreling parties back to talking and find a solution acceptable to all involved. The German Tenants’ Association also offers advice.
In Extreme Cases: Warning and Termination
In special individual cases, external help is no longer useful. “If there are significant disturbances, the public order office can be involved. In cases of verbal or physical assaults, the police can be called. Then criminal consequences are also possible,” Hartmann describes the steps when all talking has not helped.
If no person is listed as the main tenant in the rental agreement, the landlord would be responsible for warning the disruptive roommate. In the other contract model, the main tenant can do this directly. Very importantly, “the warning should include a deadline by which the disruptive behavior should be stopped,” Hartmann adds.
In this hopefully exceptional case, further action should be coordinated with a lawyer. At the end of the conflict journey, the termination of the annoying roommate could be the outcome, if the person does not already suggest moving out of the shared apartment themselves.